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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

It's "Wednesday Friendsday" Again

And I'm totally on a soapbox, because the truth is; I feel irritated.

I mean, not about my morning coffee date with Erin.  That was great.  Well, other than the fact that I sort of wish the word "adulting" was never invented, because I am not doing it well, today. 

I feel irritated, because I am thinking about friends who have recently disappeared.

As an example, the other day I looked at my Facebook friend count and realized that it had dwindled a little... or maybe I should say a little more...  As it turns out, if you spend a large part of your life writing and publicly posting what you think, you are guaranteed to offend somebody, somewhere, at some time.

It's not that I haven't lost friends before.  The truth is, I did a friend purge of my own about five years ago, and I have never felt very good about it, but it's embarrassing to re-add people after you've dropped them.  It feels sort of like a middle school spat.  In the ensuing years I have very, very rarely dropped a friend.  When I have, it is because it occurred to me that the person in question was decidedly not a friend in any sense of the word and that my life would be healthier without them in it.  Let me reiterate, it has been rare.  I don't absolve relationships because someone disagrees with me or even because we haven't communicated in years.  I'm pretty serious about friendship.  If I've ever called you a friend, you are probably stuck with me for life unless you do something really egregious... or... OK... if you look at one of my kids funny.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

Over the years, however, plenty of people have dropped me.  Honestly, even though I have watched the numbers ebb and flow, it is rare for me to be able to pick out who has struck me from their list.  This leaves me to assume that it is most often someone who is purging, themselves, and it is probably someone who has either had no contact with me in a very long time or someone who has stalked my page without actually engaging me in discussion, getting angrier and angrier about whatever I'm posting without stopping to understand my perspective.  I can live with that.

What bothers me most is when someone drops me, without any explanation, and I know exactly who it is.  Let's just be clear.  You cannot drop a family member and expect it to go unnoticed!  For crying out loud, I was just about ready to stand with Rand with you!  (Looks like I'm too late for that, though, as Rand has suspended his campaign).  I really hope it was the politics and not the red coffee cup that led to this drop.  Gosh, family parties are going to seem awkward this July...

Or... you know... when someone drops me and then has the gall to have a conversation with me, in person, about how I feel about appropriately choosing on-line friends.  Really?  Can we say, "elephant in the room?"  That one was particularly weird...  You must think a whole lot of yourself.

Maybe I shouldn't care so much.  I don't really know.  But I struggle with not knowing what it is that I've done... or not done... or said... or not said... that brings a friendship (even one as superficial as liking memes on someone's FB wall) to an abrupt end.  I struggle with lack of closure.  True story, it would be easier for me if these people would look me in the face and say, "I really hate you and everything you stand for," than to just disappear.  How can I possibly be a better friend, a better person, if I don't even know what I did wrong?  But people aren't generally comfortable with that level of honesty.  It's so much easier to run and hide.

Wow.  That was not theological at all.  This might be a blogging fail...

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