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Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Everything is Cyclical

As I have struggled to find a rhythm and liturgy that work well for me, I have done some bouncing between the RCL and BCP daily offices.  Upon choosing to return to the BCP, this church year, it took longer than it should have for it to dawn on me that this means I will be studying the same Scriptures, morning to morning, that I studied two years ago… when I also used the BCP… When I started the year off with 48 straight days of posting and then took a moment to consider whether or not I was the best person for the job, as my already precarious world tilted just a little bit too far off its axis.  But I woke up on day 50 and wrote again.

If you’re new to this blog, welcome.  Let me tell you a few quirky things about myself, so we get off on the right foot.

Sometimes people worry that I share too much… that I am an open book.  This is probably because I have chosen to obliterate the filters that often cause us to spin our narratives in such a way that we look more like super heroes than human beings.  If you ever find yourself reading something here and think, “She is so unaware,” please refer back to this paragraph, where I freely admit that I am completely aware of what I am doing.  If you ever stumbled upon the things I write but keep locked away for no other day, you would understand.  Every word… every phrase… is intentional.  This does not imply that I don’t sometimes share more than is comfortable or say things that cross an invisible line in the shifting sand, but when I do; rest assured, I know I’m doing it.

No, there is no need to worry about the amount of information I publish but rather about the vast number of things I do not.  It’s not when I am speaking that you should be concerned but when I am silent.  This is the real gauge of whether or not I am OK...

I fully expect that as I re-navigate these passages, they will cause me to reflect on not so distant, but just out of reach, past interpretations and contexts. 

Let’s start with this:        

Ephesians 4:1, “I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (NRSV).

I am the right person for this job… for this being me… because it is exactly that to which I have been called.  And I would imagine if you stop to consider whether or not you are the right person for being you; you will find the same answer I did.  You are.

Two years ago, I was clinging to passages of fear in hopes that my greatest fears would be alleviated by them.  Remember #LessFearIn2016?  It has evolved:

Psalm 34: 4-5, 18, 22, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.  Look to him, and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed… The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit… The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned” (NRSV).

These particular words (among others) reminded me that I am a “now what” kind of person.  They are the rest of the story.  Yesterday’s verses prompted me to remember that I am sought.  Today’s prompt me to remember to seek… and then to act.  For although I once lived in fear… and although I know all too well what it is to be brokenhearted and crushed in spirit… redemption is coming, and redemption is here.  #NoShame #Fearless

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