Interview
processes are grueling.
The
staff selection process can be very long and tedious, and I often wonder why,
since staff pastors generally stay at their assignments for around two
years. How much damage can really be
done in that amount of time? That's
rhetorical. Most of the time, I left
interviews for staff positions thinking, "Goodness, I feel like I've just
been vetted... and, you know, so has my
three year old!"
Over
time, we learned that it was just as important for us to interview the church
board as it was for them to interview us.
As we have gone through different stages of life, our question lists
have evolved. And let's be real, if we'd
always known all the right questions to ask, we never would have gone
anywhere. There is a part of me that
knows, now, that we will accept any call, to any place, if we believe it is
God's call for us to a specific community.
In some ways, this seemingly makes the very act of asking questions
obsolete. But questions matter. The older I get, the less certain I am that
the contents of the questions are essential, although I do have a few
favorites. The more important thing is
to listen to people when they answer. As
you listen, ask yourself, "What can God do with us here?" Understand that every church has faults. One of the most telling questions I ask is,
"What's wrong with your church?"
Realistically, they're probably not going to answer that during the
interview process, but you can rest assured you will learn the second your
moving van pulls into the driveway.
We
have successfully navigated more than a handful of interviews, and by
"successfully," what I mean is that we have survived the inspection
and been offered positions. The
interview process is flawed, and what I mean by this is that everybody involved is so desperate to highlight their
very best qualities that something gets lost in the language. That something is, often, transparency. We have not taken every position we have been
offered, but that has had much more to do with the things that God was speaking
into our hearts than the things that any person said or did. Well, except maybe in Louisiana, but that's another
story for another day... or never. The
best advice I can give regarding interviews for staff positions is be honest
and listen carefully.
***
Candidacy
processes for Senior Pastorates are completely different experiences. They are not even in the same league. I was going to write that I would like to
share some details from two very difficult processes to which we subjected
ourselves, but the truth is, I would not
like to share these, at all. I would
like to forget them, completely.
However, because I think that knowing about these experiences could
possibly provide some insight, encouragement, or comfort, I will share them.
I
like to think I'm pretty tough. And honestly, I kind of am, at least much of
the time. Somewhere along the road, though,
I think my potential for hope dwindled a bit.
I found myself not shooting quite as high as I used to in order to avoid
excessive disappointment. But when the
church down the road came open, I was on it, and it wasn't just about me. I love Psalm 37:4, because I do delight in the Lord, and I have
worked hard to align my desires with God's.
I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
The process went on for months, and I really believed that this was the place where God wanted us.
We
already knew people there. Our kids
played Upward basketball there. We had
friends there. When Phil sent his resume
and talked with the District Superintendent, and was told that his name was
being taken before the board, we were excited.
We were just over the border on a different district, and when Phil went
to his credentials board meeting, our D.S. asked how the interview had
gone. At that point, we did not yet have
information about an interview, but things looked pretty good, since our D.S.
had obviously talked with the other D.S.
It felt like the process was moving along smoothly.
And
then, the church board didn't pick anyone to interview from that group of
candidates. Frankly, I was
confused. I spent a couple of weeks
wondering what on earth could have possibly happened, and finally, when I had
exhausted every possibility and couldn't live with the question anymore, I
contacted a friend who was on that church board and asked what it was about us
that didn't seem like a good fit for, at least, an interview. She was blown away by my question, because
the board had never been presented with our information as a possible
candidate. What?
Over
the course of another month or so, the D.S. who had lied to us retired and
another one was chosen. Phil contacted
him, explained our situation, and resubmitted everything necessary for the
candidacy process to move forward again.
By this time, there was also a newly elected church board, and my friend
was no longer a part of it, but her husband was. I'll be darned if the new D.S. didn't do the
very same thing. After this board
meeting, Phil contacted him and asked him why.
The D.S. responded that he thought someone from the church board was
bringing our information, but as it turned out, they had another candidate in
mind. Essentially, the process was over
after this conversation, and the church went on to hire a wonderful pastor,
someone we knew from years ago, in fact.
And I spent some time crying my eyes out, not only because we were not
going to be selected for a position that I felt was clearly within the will of
what God could have for our family but also because I now questioned whether we
could depend on people in leadership roles in the church to even be honest.
Well,
several months later, the church down the road in the opposite direction came
open, and since it was on our district, and we loved our D.S. and absolutely
trusted him to not lie to us, we decided to take another stab at a candidacy
process. Phil did a lot of pulpit supply
there over many weeks, and although he wasn't labeled the "interim"
pastor, he sort of filled that role. Our
family went together, most weeks, and we were starting to get to know some of
the people. It seemed like things were
going really well.
I
should back up just a little bit and share the fact that we had been a part of
the candidacy process for this particular local church about nine years
earlier, so there were some strange dynamics going on for me. I had desperately wanted to go there almost a
decade before. This time felt different,
but part of that was that I was remaining a little bit guarded. Our D.S. was positive, though, and he seemed
to genuinely want us to fill this opening.
We knew they were going to be discussing candidates soon, and our
information was definitely a part of that process. It felt like this was going to, perhaps, be a
redemption moment.
And
then we showed up one Sunday morning, and right before Phil was to get up and
preach, they made an announcement that they would be interviewing a candidate
for the Senior Pastor position, and they put a picture of the candidate and his
family up on the projection screen, and you know, it wasn't us.
So,
I'm sitting there trying to process what the heck just happened, while grasping
at straws trying to maintain my tough as nails facade, and the tears just
started flowing. But, of course, I'm on
the far side of the sanctuary, so to make a mad dash for the door would require
me to walk past all of these people just completely exposed. We had actually not talked with our kids
about our hope that we would be making a permanent move to this local church,
so they're getting really concerned, because they have no idea, whatsoever, why
Mommy is just about hysterical, and I'm actually using Ian, who was five at the
time, sitting on my lap, as something like a human shield, with my face buried
in the back of his head.
Phil
got up and preached. I don't know how he
did it, especially with me sitting there sobbing. He told me later (years later) that getting
that first word out of his mouth was one of the hardest things he ever
did. The kids went to children's
church. We survived the day. Our D.S., who legitimately never imagined
that they would make that kind of announcement with us sitting there,
apologized. But it still stung for
awhile. I have no doubt that the people
of that local church did not intend to hurt us in any way, but sometimes people
do things that hurt, even unintentionally.
For
some weeks after this incident, the only thing I could think was, "I am hanging by a thread". This had to do with the current circumstance
and the previous one. Candidacy
processes are exhausting and to have two of them, about which you cared very
much, end in nothing was completely draining to say the least. I had been excited about where I honestly
believed God was leading! Things were
good. And then, on top of the
disappointments themselves, I found myself really frustrated with myself, because apparently if you
throw a couple of unexpected things at me in quick succession, I am still
really capable of falling apart.
Ministry
is really hard sometimes. Sometimes I
wish a church would look upon my family and the question would be, "How
badly do they need us?" instead of the other way
around. Don't misunderstand me, I know
that's never really going to
happen. Missed possibilities and closed
doors hurt, a lot. Don't lose sight of a
dream that God plants in your heart, but also consider the potential for
spending your life in a God-forsaken place where no one else wants to go. By doing that, you just might be able to show
God's love and that place won't be so forsaken anymore.
Life
doesn't always pan out the way I plan it.
Alright, let's be real. Life
almost never pans out the way I plan
it. That's OK.
L.
Wow! Just wow! Some of the life experiences you have had are heart breaking and yet, I can see through this post how God has allowed you to go through them so that you may minister to those who are going through similar situations.
ReplyDeleteYou have seen a lot of hurt in your life...may God bless you abundantly!
Thank you so much for this. I have to be honest, there have been quite a few experiences that I would rather have *not* gone through. However, since I *have*, I hope they will be of some use to someone else. And thank you for this blessing. We are, indeed, blessed.
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